Dear Reader,
Somewhere along the way, a version of you stopped being alive.
She was the one who used to want specific things. Who had a certain way of laughing. Who believed certain things about her future. Who had energy for the things you now cannot remember why you loved.
She did not leave dramatically. She did not announce her departure. She just faded out over months, or years, so slowly that neither of you noticed the moment she was no longer there.
And you never grieved her. Because she never officially died. Because you did not know that a version of yourself could die while the rest of you kept going.
But she did. And you have been walking around carrying grief you have never let yourself name, for a person you have never let yourself mourn.
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I did not know I was doing this until my mid-thirties, when I found an old journal from ten years earlier. The woman writing in it had specific hopes, specific plans, specific desires I had completely forgotten I ever had.
I did not just feel nostalgic. I felt like I was reading a letter from someone who had died. And the strange, sudden weight in my chest was grief I had never let myself feel because I did not know it was allowed.
Here is the honest truth. You are not just tired. You are not just in a slump. You are carrying an ungrieved loss, and the loss is you.
Some version of you had a life she was building. She had ideas. She had a certain kind of aliveness. She had a way of moving through the world that felt like hers.
Then things happened. Choices got made. Circumstances required different things from you. Relationships changed the shape of who you had to become. Time passed. And that version of you, slowly, gave way to a version who could handle what was actually being asked.
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She was not killed by anything dramatic. She was slowly overwritten by necessity.
The ego runs interference here because grieving her would require admitting that she is gone. And if she is gone, then whatever happened between her and now was not just a phase. It was a real ending. A version of your life that ended without a funeral.
That is heavy to sit with. So you keep pretending she is still there somewhere, just buried under the current version of you, waiting to come back if you can just find the right conditions.
But some parts of her are not coming back. Some of what she wanted is no longer available. Some of who she was cannot be reconstructed. And until you let yourself grieve that, you will keep confusing your grief for depression, tiredness, or a bad year.
Today, name one thing about the older version of you that is gone. Not what you wish were still true. What actually is not.
A dream she had that you have quietly let go of. A version of your body that she took for granted. A friendship she thought would last. A future she was sure of. A way of feeling alive she has not felt in years.
Let yourself miss her, for that one thing, for one minute.
You do not have to mourn everything at once. You do not have to know what to do with the grief. You just have to stop pretending it is not grief.
You are allowed to miss yourself. You are allowed to miss the woman you were on the way to becoming, who did not make it.
This is your magnetic mindset: you stop treating the grief of who you used to be as something shameful or dramatic. You start letting yourself mourn the versions of you that did not survive, and someone who can grieve herself becomes free to actually meet the woman she is now, instead of comparing her endlessly to the ghost.
Some of what you have been calling depression is grief for a version of you no one told you it was okay to bury.
"The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are."
Something to ask yourself today:
Who was the version of you who lived ten years ago — and what is one specific thing about her that you have not let yourself grieve?
Mindfully Yours,
Magnetic Mindset
